The occupational hazards of cricket

There was a time when the occupational hazards of cricket were limited to the occasional gin-and-tonic spilt on pristine flannels in fits of un-English excitement. On the genteel ovals of ye olde England, little transpired in the gentleman’s game to cause gentlemen much distress. Accidents, of course, did happen. Perhaps the most well-known and tragic of them all was the one that caused the premature demise of Raman Lamba. Nonetheless, the game remained, for most of its history, a test of gentlemanly stoicism, rather than manly bravado.

But the times, they are a-changing. Today’s rarely-flannel-clad ‘gentleman’ cricketers have more than sticky wickets to contend with. The medals of a battle on the pitch are as likely to be lipstick-marks as bodyline bruises! Just ask M S Dhoni. The stylish batsman is mobbed by female fans everywhere he goes. Last year, a particularly persistent one broke the security cordon at Eden Gardens and ran out on to the field to give her hero a hug. Whether Dhoni enjoyed her attentions remains unknown, but friends of the cricketer do say that his embarrassment was prolonged.

Now, to keep the girls’ hands off his person, Dhoni has received a Z-Category personal bodyguard detail with a twist – they are all women (see report). Presumably, it would take women to keep women at bay if they engaged in, ahem, unladylike behaviour. Highly-trained and combat-ready as they are, the commandoes who will help spare Dhoni his blushes are quite excited at the prospect of guarding him. One of them even spoke of how she had never imagined she’d ever see him up close.

Here’s to you, Mr. Dhoni! May you always be worthy of being mobbed by doting fans. Only, don’t let your bat or gloves go sluggish while you bask in the adulation. Too many Rooneys and Beckhams have become huge stars and sex symbols at the cost of their sport.

And here’s to your Amazon guard too! Ladies, till we give our female cricketers their just due, you might be the most spoken-of women in Indian cricket. Enjoy your time in the limelight. And do keep Dhoni safe, even if it makes you unpopular among amorous, star-struck teeny-boppers!